**Disclaimer: This post deals with body fluids…read at your own risk.**
Did you really think I could go through 9 days of testing without body fluids being involved?

At my first lab stop at Mayo, the moment I saw the jug I knew I was in for a 24-hour urine collection.  I looked at the tech and said, “Is it for the 5-HIAA, because I had guacamole last night–so I can’t start tomorrow.”  Hoping the tech would catch on to the fact that this wasn’t my first 24-hour urine collection for carcinoid syndrome, but was hoping it would be the last.
     She referred to the booklet (you know it’s serious when there’s a booklet of instructions, not just a sheet of paper) and the forbidden food list, “How much?” she asked with hesitancy.
     “Probably half a portion.”
     She hemmed and hawed–I realized that I’d invested a lot of prayer, money and time into my Mayo Clinic visit, been off medications for months in preparation and didn’t want a half serving of guacamole to skew the results–I’d abstain from avocados, walnuts, tomatoes, plantains, etc. for three days. I hadn’t had a plantain in years and since it was a kissing cousin to the banana, didn’t foresee ingesting either of the cousins anytime soon.
     Thirty-six hours later I was looking at the giant jug, contemplating when to start; timing was of the essence.  “Do you have to fill the whole thing?” Beth asked.  
     “No, I wouldn’t even want to try–I can’t get over the pull-top spout, it looks more like a container for liquid laundry soap, but I wouldn’t be able to smell the difference.”  [At this point coffee and urine are in the same scent genre for me…it makes for confusing mornings.]
     My mental mulling began: Thursday would be three days without the forbidden foods, except for an accidental daub of ketchup, half a peanut and half a walnut.  I didn’t want to wait three more days and make an eight hour round trip for a jug of urine.  Beth wouldn’t be with me on Thursday, which was good because I think carrying my body fluids in a giant jug is something a friend shouldn’t have to do.  If I started Thursday morning, I would be able to turn it in Friday morning and results might be ready for the follow-up later in the day.  I didn’t want to start the collection too late on Thursday–or too early Wednesday night because I wasn’t exactly sure where I might be 24 hours later.     

There were too many variables.  

Then it came to me, I struck a pose and said to Beth with a wry smile: “To pee or not to pee that is the question.”  

24-Hour Urine Test for: 
fractionated metanephrines 
histamine
catecholemines
5-hydroxyindoleacetic acid

Results: Normal