You might need to go to the Emergency Room if:
…your stomach and intestines have locked up and you haven’t been able to eat or drink anything for over 24 hours 
…ingesting a sip of water causes you to be more nauseous and you can’t take the medications that relieve nauseousness and gets your guts moving
…you mull over crushing the medications and snorting them, then consider calling your sciencey friend to ask about the efficacy of snorting oral medications
…the doctor said, “If the medication isn’t working–you need to go to the ER (Memorial Day 2015)
…you need to rest after only sitting up in bed
…you have a fever from all the rancid goo fermenting in your gut
…you are whimpering and writhing in pain, but no one can hear you so you ponder if you should call your empathic friend to listen to your sniveling and ask if you should go to the ER, then remember you and your friend agreed:  “If you need to call and ask if you should go to the ER…you should go.”

So, on the cusp of midnight…I went. An IV bag of fluids and a few squirts of medications while I slept and I was groggily on my way home at 2:30am. 

As an added bonus to my evening out with hair that hadn’t been combed in a day and a half (I HAD brushed my teeth, but it almost made me throw up, thus defeating the act of brushing)…
…I got pulled over (in my new Jeep with the new plates, but couldn’t recall if I’d put the registration in the vehicle). The magnanimous officer seemed a bit amused at my ‘situation’ and may have been suppressing a smile as he told me to ‘get home safely’ — I lived two blocks away.

I awoke the next morning feeling like a new woman with a 0 rating on a scale of 1 to Puke.