Wheezy Weturns – OR – Symptom Similes

I’ve have the wheezles again. It happens spontaneously, but often within about three minutes of ingesting sugar (pure cane sugar). For months I’ve avoided sugar, artificial sweeteners, honey and even fruit because of the side effects, but last week after I’d been wheezing for days, inspite of avoidance, I gave in and had a gluten-free Scratch cupcake.  A few minutes later, the wheezing started full-force, and those in my classroom looked at me in stunned amazement until one teenage boy said, “You sound like a dead horse.”

Though I would argue with his description — Can a dead horse really make a sound? — I appreciated his use of a literary device. 

Another young man quickly pointed out the rudeness of the statement, however, not to my defense. I reminded him that last month he said my full, facial flush looked like a monkey’s red butt (you can Google it if you want, but the color DOES have the same hue).  To put the arguments aside of who was being rude or not, I informed them that my sister (my ONLY sister–we look and sound alike) said I sounded like Wheezy from “Toy Story” and played the following clip:
In the midst of our collective laughter at the similarity, someone exclaimed, “Miss Witz, you need your squeaker fixed!!”  I have no squeaker, but I know that something needs to get fixed, and fast.

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