white-knuckling the broomstick

I’m exhausted. I’ve been exhausted for a while… for years really. In the spring of 2012, I was exhausted, per usual–and with great frustration, sucked up a few ounces of energy to implore the help of doctors to uncover the cause of my extreme fatigue. Many tests revealed: not anemia, not thyroid, not mono. All was normal–except my energy level.
     Not to be undone by feeling drained, I participated in Tulip Time festivities. One afternoon, we were waiting to scrub streets and a friend offered to introduce me to Governor Brandstad who was just yards away. Never one to pass up an experience I agreed and then the darkness started closing in, I could feel myself collapsing…I was mortified that I might pass out in front of hundreds of people and clutched my broomstick to keep upright. A few moments later I was introduced to the governor, we posed for a picture while I prayed I wouldn’t collapse on him.
     After scrubbing streets my niece wanted cotton candy and I offered to get it with her– it would allow me an opportunity to sit and rest after the two block workout, while the rest of the family walked to our parade viewing spots. The next day I could barely walk through two tents at the Dutch Market without having to hold onto each display case; I had to call for someone to pick me up.
     This seemed like more than ‘tired’ so I made a doctor’s appointment and had blood drawn. They called me that afternoon to have the blood work redone. The next day, I got a call stating my iron was extremely low and I needed an iron infusion as soon as could be scheduled. I was thrilled that I’d be feeling perkier in a few months.
     Still feeling drained in August, when the iron should have kicked in, I was told I had hypothyroidism. Once again my pipe dream of energy surfaced.  For fifteen months, I had vague moments of energy, but continue to be wiped out, so last month when I learned I’m also chronically hypoglycemic a lightbulb went off (albeit dim due to lack of energy): I had the trifecta of exhaustion: low iron, hypothyroidism and hypoglycemia. No wonder I’m exhausted: I’m a hypo-hypo.

Phillip, the Hyper-Hypo–SNL