I’ve be struggling off and on with not understanding God’s plan…
Why did the scan get lined up and show nothing?
Why am I still SO exhausted some days?
Why is this taking so long to get my healing?
Why is a colleague not getting healed and another is?
Why did two little girls get killed on a nature outing?
Last week, I was listening to a message that resonated with me: “Put those unanswered questions in your ‘I Don’t Understand It’ file.” I love office supplies, so that worked for me…. then I decided to put the file in the ‘God is in Control’ filing cabinet, which should be full but I’ve gotten behind in my filing because I’ve been consumed with ‘whys?’
Over the next few days, in spite of putting items in the ‘I Don’t Understand It’ file, I tended to take them out again, read them over, shared them with other people, put them in my purse and carried them around with me. Then in church this past Sunday the first song started: “I am not skilled to understand, what God has willed, what God has planned. I only know at his right hand, stands one who is my Savior.” Hmmmm
So, last night I finally had a vague sense of peace, then about 1am, in spite of being on numerous medications, I started wheezing uncontrollably — and it wouldn’t stop. I knew I wasn’t going to die, I couldn’t go to the ER (been there, done that, didn’t stop the wheezing), I was hesitant to double medications, and the ‘whys’ started again: Why is this happening? I haven’t changed anything, in my life/environment. Why now? Why isn’t the new medication working? Why isn’t there anything that will stop the wheezing? Why don’t I have answers?
I think it would be wise to file again.